My Christmas Wish….

Holidays… Not sure where to begin, though I have figured some things out since last year. I don’t remember much of last years Christmas. It was our first Christmas without Gracie and I felt lost. We went through the motions of participating in all the traditions for our son, but we weren’t truly there. I didn’t feel like shopping, cooking, singing, entertaining, etc. The whole holiday was stressful with just trying to get through each day, holding it together for Luke and for our family and friends.

This year it has gotten better. Trust me when I say there isn’t one minute in a day that Gracie is not on my mind, but we are able to control our emotions a little better. The hurt is still there, but it’s become a normal to us… if that makes sense.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I have been on the ball this holiday season! In November I bought Luke his Christmas pj’s ( if you’re big on this you understand that they sell out by December 1st- crazy, I know!) I went Black Friday shopping (got some great deals), have baked TONS of cookies, shopped, spent many hours decorating, shopped some more, traveled to Christmas parties near and far, shopped even more, ordered Christmas cards that have yet to arrive, shopped even more, spent many nights wrapping, making sure I have a gift for everyone and still trying to think of the perfect gift for some, so more shopping to do…. I’ve got to tell you, I may be feeling more like myself, but I’m exhausted!!

I realized last night as I was curled up on the couch with Luke watching a movie that I am guilty of wanting more, wanting everything perfect. It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea of “more” during the holiday season than it is to really remember why we celebrate Christmas and what is important during this time. What is important is spending time with those you love. That is what I was missing last year, I wanted to spend Christmas with Gracie and I couldn’t believe that I would never have another Christmas to spend with her. This year I know that I can’t physically spend time with Gracie and so it’s been replaced with the “go, go, go, more, more, more” routine. That is not what Christmas is about. It’s about spending time with your loved ones, being together, helping each other, celebrating and enjoying life with each other in whatever traditions or religions you celebrate. Without each other, we have nothing. I still look at Gracie’s toys and clothes and know that these material things are worthless unless the ones you love are there to enjoy them.

So, this week I’m going to try to slow it down and spend more time with my family. I’m not perfect and yes I still have stuff to do to get ready for Christmas, and yes everyone is still getting presents! I will still miss my daughter and will still have tears, but I will remember all the memories I was lucky to have with her. I will try to be more aware of the meaning of Christmas and will work at making memories that will last a lifetime.

My wish this Christmas is for everyone to slow down, enjoy your family, your friends, your kids and make memories that you will cherish forever.
Merry Christmas,
Lisa

A poem I found in my classroom for my second graders. It’s a good message for all….

Make a list and check it twice
Buy everyone you know some dice.